How to Make Yourself Miserable

Long ago, the founding fathers who wrote the Declaration of Independence established a government that gave us the right to “…life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”   This is great.  Most of us exercise our right to live life in freedom.  Some of us, however, seem to be in the pursuit of misery rather than happiness.  Have you ever noticed that being happy is easier for some people that it is for others?  The ease with which some find happiness has little to do with  privileges and income, and a lot to do with attitude and perspective. You may think
Read More →

September 24, 2008 | by
Categories: Mental Health.
Tags: depression, happiness, health, misery, and top 10.

The Gift of Acceptance

I see plenty of adults who are punishing themselves because they aren’t someone else.  Most of them started as children who felt punished because they weren’t someone else. This someone else they never were is not even a real person, it’s an ideal.  This ideal was communicated to them by their parents and it is an anachronism, a relic, based on expectations, dreams, and hopes that the parent had for their child.  Parental expectations and visions of the ideal child are formed before the baby is even born.  Every parent develops these hopes and dreams to some extent.  Mostly these
Read More →

July 2, 2008 | by
Categories: Parenting.
Tags: acceptance, Children, expectations, happiness, Parenting, and success.

Resolutions 2009

With the arrival of the New Year comes an urge to make a new start with our lives.   The age-old tradition of the New Year’s Resolution is a sign of the human drive for growth and improvement.  Some criticize the practice of making resolutions, saying they just set people up for failure.  Research shows, however, that people who make New Year’s resolutions are much more like to create positive change in their lives than those who don’t make resolutions!  So I say go for it! Whether you succeed or fail at your resolution depends on many factors, but one of
Read More →

January 5, 2008 | by
Categories: Mental Health.
Tags: action, goals, happiness, plan, resolutions, success, and tony robbins.

Becoming Parents: Challenging Changes

Parenthood is great in many ways.  Becoming a parent, however, is a growth process and it takes a lot of learning through trial and error.  Bill Cosby says “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”  Those of us who are parents can agree it’s much harder than we thought, but there is also the potential for great joy and happiness as a parent.  When I found out that my wife was pregnant the first time, I had only the slightest idea how my life was about to change.  Before I
Read More →

December 13, 2007 | by
Categories: Parenting and Transitions / Change.
Tags: challenges, change, friends, happiness, mothers, Parenting, and transition.

Happiness, Marriage, and Divorce.

Can marriage make you happy?  Or, if you are unhappily married, will divorce make you feel better?  Probably it will not.  I’ve been working with couples long enough now to see patterns, tendencies, and trends in marriage and divorce.   One tendency I want to highlight here is the human tendency to pursue happiness in all the wrong places and then get upset when those places in our lives don’t produce happiness.  “The pursuit of happiness” was written into the U.S. Declaration of Independence by Thomas Jefferson as a right of all the people, and so we Americans expect happiness to
Read More →

August 7, 2007 | by
Categories: Divorce, Marriage, and Mental Health.
Tags: depression, Divorce, happiness, Marriage, and research.

Traits of Healthy Families – Part 3

This is the third installment of a series exploring 15 traits of healthy families, identified by Dolores Curran as important to family success. This month’s column will look at traits six through eight, which state that healthy families; 6) are playful and have a sense of humor, 7) have a balance of interaction among family members, and 8) share leisure time.  These three traits discuss important ways in which healthy families share and participate in each other’s lives.  As I write these columns on the traits of healthy families, I am struck again with the truth of how important these
Read More →

May 9, 2007 | by
Categories: Family.
Tags: activities, Family, happiness, leisure, play, and Stress.

Resolve to Be Positive

Happy New Year!  Have you made any resolutions for the New Year?  Making New Year’s resolutions is a very good idea.  They really do work! Research by John C. Norcross has shown that compared to people who don’t make resolutions,  people who make New Year’s resolutions are actually twice as likely to successfully change something in their lives.  Whether you have resolved to get physically fit, quit some bad habit, or chosen not to make a resolution, let me suggest a resolution that will change your life.  This year, resolve to develop a positive attitude. Having a positive attitude is
Read More →

May 3, 2007 | by
Categories: Mental Health and Stress.
Tags: attitude, depression, goals, happiness, positive, and resolutions.

CARP: Couples Acquiring Relational Principles

In families, the most important relationship is the mother-father relationship.  You’ve heard it said that “happy parents make happy kids?”  It’s true.  The stability of the family rests on the mother and father (or parent and stepparent) maintaining a strong and healthy bond.  Every so often, this column will be devoted to providing information that is designed to enrich the couple relationship.   This month, I want to share a couple of important relationship skills.  The first is called “Sharing Withholds,” and the second is “The Habit of Happiness.”  Both of these skills were taught to me by Dr. Les Parrott,
Read More →

May 3, 2007 | by
Categories: Marriage.
Tags: communication, Couples, habits, happiness, les parrott, relationships, and withholds.