What do healthy families look like? There’s a saying; “Crazy comes in many forms but sanity just has one.” Dolores Curran, author of “Traits of a Healthy Family,” surveyed professionals in education, ministry, health care, and family counseling, asking them to identify what they observed in families they deemed as “healthy.” Based on this survey, 15 traits were identified as components of healthy families. There is no single family that embodies all of these traits, so don’t feel pressure to master them all. This issue will look at the first two in Curran’s list; communication, and valuing family time
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The Challenge of Difficult Emotions
Fear. Shame. Anger. Boredom. Sadness. Disgust. These are feelings we don’t enjoy, and we can often go to great lengths to avoid them. This was documented centuries ago by Blaise Pascal, who is quoted to say “All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” We try to suppress these emotions, especially fear and shame. However, as Brené Brown has noted, emotions are like the old string of Christmas lights: when we deny or turn off one light bulb (such as anger) the whole string goes out. Essentially, we become emotionally disabled in
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Are you Willing and Able?
Happy New Year! What I’ve been thinking about lately is will and ability. If you think about the word “responsibility” you can think of it as “response ability.” It’s your ability to respond to life’s demands. Its your capacity to act. Another thing to consider besides ability is willingness. As great American thinker William James describes it, its the “sense of the amount of effort we can put forth.” We all have a power of will. It is my hope and prayer that you have an immense power of will. It is the engine with which you drive your
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Resolutions: How about trying to make it a happy (and new) year?
Happy New Year! Have you made any resolutions for the New Year? Making New Year’s resolutions is a good idea, despite the bad press it gets sometimes. This is because they really do work! Research by John C. Norcross has shown that compared to people who don’t make resolutions, people who make New Year’s resolutions are actually twice as likely to successfully change something in their lives. Whether you have resolved to get physically fit, quit some bad habit, or chosen not to make a resolution, let me suggest a resolution that will change your life. This is it: work
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Empowering the Bored Child
“I’m bored.” It doesn’t take too long before this statement is heard in the summer. Its a monotone, depressing complaint. It can trigger anger in parents to hear this, or at least mild irritation. Boredom by definition is a feeling of weariness with one’s present task or lack of interesting pursuits. Its something everyone has experienced. Its a feeling we have to live with sometimes as its part of normal human existence. Unfortunately, with Netflix and video games this generation of children can pacify their boredom without truly overcoming it successfully. The result is a low-grade boredom, like a lingering
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Help! My child was diagnosed with ___________!
Anyone out there have a child diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety or other mental disorders? This article addresses the challenges associated with your child being given a psychiatric diagnosis. Recently a mother talked with me about a struggle she was having; how to talk to your child about their mental health diagnosis. It got me thinking about about how difficult and sensitive an issue a psychiatric diagnosis is for individuals and families. I have talked with parents about this issue several times The concerns are complex and broad ranging. For instance, what affect will knowing the diagnosis have on my
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Are You __________ Enough?
Are you _(fill in the blank)_ Enough? Good, safe, perfect, beautiful, smart, athletic, successful, funny, happy, wealthy… These are just a few of the words that we fill in the blank to the question “am I _______ enough?” Where does this question come from? Why do we ask this question of ourselves so much? It comes from a mindset that there is a limited supply of what we ultimately need in order to feel happy and fulfilled in life. This is what Brené Brown, author of “The Gifts of Imperfection” and speaker in one of the most viewed TED
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Helping your Kids (and yourself) Cope with Rejection
There’s no question about it; successful people are those who have learned to cope with rejection. Milton Hershey had three failed businesses before his milk chocolate candy took off. KFC’s founder Colonel Sanders was rejected over a thousand times before he found financial support for his chicken recipe. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected by twelve publishers! Imagine a world in which these three successful people allowed a few rejections to stop them; no Hershey kisses, no KFC, no Harry Potter. We have all experienced rejection in many forms. It’s a universal dynamic in a relational society. Since
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Why did the Grinch Steal Christmas? A Psychological Analysis
This holiday season as I watched “The Grinch who Stole Christmas” I began to think about what made the Grinch so “grinchy”? Several questions came to mind. Why was his heart two sizes too small? Surely he wasn’t born that way, right? What’s his problem with the Whos down in Whoville? What is it about the Christmas festivities and the “noise, noise, noise” that sets the Grinch’s teeth on edge? Further, what allowed his heart to “grow three sizes that day”? Let’s start at the beginning. The basic psychological assumption that we are born “tabula rasa” says that we become
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Resolution #1: Dream Big and Courageously!
Abraham Lincoln is quoted to say “That some achieve great success, is proof to all that others can achieve it as well.” Benjamin Franklin writes “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.” If these great men of history believe in making resolutions, shouldn’t we consider doing so? Some people believe that making New Year’s resolutions is an exercise in futility. In fact, Mark Twain is quoted to say “New Year’s Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week
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