Valentines Day is a nice reminder to show your love and affection. After the chocolates are all gone, though, you still have to work out your problems. Conflict should not be avoided in love relationships. In fact, healthy conflict will lead to greater intimacy than a box of chocolates will! Following certain rules will keep you from engaging in harmful interactions that give conflict a bad name. Below are some ground rules that I recommend using to keep your conflict in a healthy zone. Think of them as a box of chocolates. Pick out the ones you would like
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What is More Important Than a Red Balloon?
I just watched the movie “Christopher Robin” in which we see Winnie the Pooh and friends rescue an older Christopher Robin from himself. As a child, Christopher Robin played and spent long hours exploring the Hundred Acre Wood with his stuffed animal friends. He used his imagination to create stories that most of us heard about as children in the Pooh books by A.A. Milne. Some wise sayings from Pooh are heard again in the movie. Specifically, there are a couple of observations Pooh has about doing nothing. The first is “Doing nothing often leads to the very best
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School: Ground Rules to Start the Year
Plato is quoted to have said that the beginning is the most important part of the work. I would add to that idea that making a healthy routines keeps the good work going! What I am offering the reader in this article are some suggestions for developing a routine, or “ground rules”, for a successful start to the school year. These ground rules will keep that success going all year long. This may seem strange, but none of these rules are about school per se. Instead, these ground rules are for setting up your student for success once they
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Traits of Healthy Families #6-9
Lately I’ve been expanding on Dolores Curran’s book “Traits of a Healthy Family” which identifies 15 traits that healthy families exhibit. She is quick to point out that no family is perfect or lives out all of these 15 traits. However, healthy families as a whole will show these qualities. Last month’s column was guest-written by my daughter and covered the traits of “Valuing table time” and “strong sense of rituals and traditions.” This edition will examine how and why playfulness, leisure time, balance, and shared responsibility are important in family life. We’ve all heard it said that “The
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Traits of a Healthy Family #3-5
Last month’s column introduced the traits of good communication and valuing family time and conversation. In this issue, three more of the 15 traits from Dolores Curran’s book, “Traits of a Healthy Family” will be covered. Traits 3 – 5 have to do with providing every family member with a sense of inclusion and acceptance. Trait three, “affirming and supporting one another”, really starts with the parents. Happy parents make for happy kids. Affirming parents have good self-esteem, and work to instill a positive mood in the home. This positive tone in the home creates a general expectation that
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If He Really Loved Me….
Let’s talk about assumptions and the havoc they can cause in relationships! An assumption is something that is believed to be true without any proof. Often, its a guess about what someone else thinks or feels. It is often the case that by the time a couple is sitting in my office for marriage therapy the assumptions they have about each other have created a great deal of pain and misunderstanding. It seems to me that many couples (and I could put myself out of business for saying this) could avoid huge fights by just asking some simple questions instead
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Get a New Strategy
I don’t know about you but summer whizzed by like a bottle rocket for our family, leaving us a little startled by the abrupt beginning to another school year. The end of summer can catch us a little off guard. That being the case, its still possible to get a grip and find a successful strategy to stay whole, balanced and healthy as a family. This takes planning and preparation. Here’s a few quotes that drive this message home: “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” ~ Benjamin Franklin “You hit what you aim at, and if
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Marital “Check Engine” Lights
Have you ever waited too long to address the “check engine” light on your car? Someone told me that he just put a piece of electric tape over his light so he didn’t have to see it. I’m not sure how that worked out. There are warning signs we are given in life, and it’s very risky to ignore these warning signs. When it comes to our marriages, we can definitely ignore the warning signs and we do so out our peril. I’ve listed out here some marital red flags of warning. Essentially, these are like the “check engine” warning
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Tech Free Summer
Imagine that a typical kid from 1975 is suddenly transported through time to the present moment. He’s walking down a neighborhood street and sees cars going by that look futuristic to him, but otherwise he is reassured that things look pretty much the same. He keeps walking around neighborhoods and occasionally he’ll see cars drive up to a house and see adults and kids walk quickly inside while looking at some device they hold in their hands. He thinks this is strange. This kid starts to wonder if there’s been some government order to stay indoors. Finally with some relief,
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Conversation Starters for that Valentine’s Date
Well here it is. Its that time of year where every couple is expected to go out on a date. Like it or not, you need to create a situation resembling this: a table for two with candles, maybe some champagne, the ultimate romantic dinner. Chocolates and certain garments are given as gifts. It’s the perfect Valentine’s Day dinner date! While the reader can probably guess what most men are hoping to get from such efforts, can you guess what most women are hoping for? Is it to be wooed? For someone to be interested in her? To be
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